Akatsuki Blossom
by kattylin
Summary: Everyone needs a senile, overprotective daddy at their side, but being the Akatsuki Leader's SOLE daughter is something not to be messed at! "daddy's gone senile" slight crack sasuxsaku
1. She's MAH Baby dammit!

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**Everything**

**Prologue: A Leader's Blossom**

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Uchiha Itachi and Hoshigake Kisame, followed their leader, who was currently making his way towards one of the locked rooms in the main headquarters of Akatsuki's hideout. Unlocking a door, all three men saw a pink-haired girl silently sleeping though it was pretty obvious that she damn in knocked out by a certain someone.

The leader opened his mouth as to say something when Kisame interrupted him.

"ne, leader-sama si this a new jinchuuri or just some girl you've picked out to be our new concubine?" Kisame asked him, as he saw their leader flush with anger.

"No she isn't-" again he was interrupted.

"Whoa, she's hot, yeah" a certain blonde haired cerulean eyed Deidara asked him.

"I, myself have to agree on that" Itachi nodded.

"Will you all let me finish?" their leader growled at the three.

"Aa" raven haired older Uchiha replied.

"Sure, yeah"

"Go on leader-sama"

"ahem, as I was saying, that girl" he paused momentarily "is my daughter and no, **there's. no. way. In. hell. She'd. be. A. fuckass. Concubine."**

"Oh…" all three other men replied back at him.

"So, why's she here, yeah?" Deidara spoke up, breaking the trail of silence that almost befell them.

"yes, about that" the leader coughed before saying "well, I've heard that a certain someone's younger brother" he looked straight at Itachi "has been running around with my little princess, of course, as her father, I am mainly obliged to keep her away from that scum" he finished as he looked directly at the elder Uchiha.

Itachi, noticing the glare given to him, shrugged and replied "what my foolish little brother has been doing is none of my business"

"I'd have to agree on that, that is why I've bought her here, for you two to take care of her" he looked at Itachi and Kisame "and since you've been snooping your nose into people's business, I'm assigning you to this mission as well" he added to Deidara who, currently, was trying not to get noticed as he tried to exit the room.

Hearing this, the stopped momentarily and gave out a sigh before giving a salute to their leader.

By this time 'round, the older Uchiha activated his Sharingan and started to scan the girl's body for any possible weapons in her body and became much attracted to the small chakra formation in her abdomen…

When Itachi finished scanning her body twice, he turned to listen to their leader's final notes…

"… remember she has inhumane strength so watch out for that… and oh yes, make sure that that little Uchiha brat won't his dirty hands on my Sakura-chan, are we clear?"

The other two men gave a nod before Itachi called their attention.

"leader-sama, I think we have a bit of a dilemma…"

The said leader then turned to face one of his Uchiha subordinates, "and what is it?" he asked irritably, he was due to a meeting in a few minutes and he didn't have mush to time to prepare for it.

Meanwhile, Kisame and Deidara looked at Itachi, waiting for him to speak. Finally the elder Uchiha opened his paled lips and said.

"She's pregnant"

"**What?!"**

**Chyeah, this is really short and a bit crappy, I dunno why I feel sucky today TT-TT anyways, pls review… luv y'all**

**Please give out the patience to review…**

Ang ganda talaga kung walang pasok, ang daming nagagawa…


	2. Daddy's Having a Heart Attack awww!

**Author's Note: **

Hey guys, thanks a lot for your reviews I'm really really sorry if this chap took a bit longer... my mind's been debating on which scenes to choose… and eventually I kinda forgot the good scenes in my head on the first place… chyeah that was stupid… school's been a bitch so I'm really really sorry. Here's the next chap: Enjoy!

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**Akatsuki Blossom**

**Chapter 1: Daddy Bless Your Heart**

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In hearing the words 'she's pregnant' the leader almost did a double take.

"What. Did. You. Say.?!" He growled out.

At the point of harshness of his voice, Itachi shivered a bit but managed to suppress it as a shrug. "she's pregnant" he said again.

Hearing those words, the soon-t-be grandpa fainted before waking up a few seconds later and shaking Itachi ever so wildly "why?!" he sobbed as he shook the elder Uchiha harder "why?! Why the hell have you not killed that insolent brother of yours?!" anime tears further falling into depth "didn't I tell you to kill your clan in order for you to be a member?! Why?! Why have you not killed him?! And to think I even considred you back then!" he shrieked girlishly before he stared sobbing into poor Itachi-kun's arms "why?! Why?! Why Itachi?! Why???"

By the time the leader's grip loosened on Itachi, his eyes were already spinning literally and were in danger of throwing up, seriously. In the bravest un-stuttering voice, he said coldly "what my brother does is none of my business"

"don't get cocky with me Uchiha! I want that brother of yours dead" he snapped as his well skilled hands formed together a summoning technique "KUCHIYOSE NO JUTSU!" in an instant, two dragon-like figures appeared around him. Their bodies as thick as large logs as their large red piercing eyes emitted blood lust.

He was about to exit to get revenge from his sweet innocent daughter's mistreatment when Deidara stopped him "Ne, leader-sama you still have that meeting yeah?"

Stopping quickly in tracks he turned back "cancel it, I'm about to go Uchiha Hunting"

Tobi then appeared out of nowhere, obviously unaware at what was happening and popped his head out "ne, ne, we already have Itachi-kun right?" he hissed seductively as he wrapped an arm around Itachi's toned chest.

Failing to not twich, Itachi pried Tobi's arms away from him (earing a small whimper from him by the way) "Get away man whore" he glared as the elder Uchiha activated his ever-so-famous Tsukuyomi that got poor little Tobi scared shitless.

"…"

"…"

"well back to business!" the leader cheered out "I'm going out. Look after her okay ladies?" he said as he cheerfully sheathed his sharp Kanata while singing 'happy hunting'

His majestic back was about to exit when a small voice interrupted him "Daddy?"

Turning back, he saw her. Her cherry blossom pink hair fanned all over her sweet and flawless porcelain face as her deep emerald green irises shone indistinctively. "Daddy, where are you going? And why am I here again?" she asked him as she sat up and began to brush her hair away from her pretty face using her small hands while the other Akatsuki members just gawked at her prettiness.

"I'm going 'hunting' my dear while these ladies would be babysitting you while I'm out" he said cheerfully as he kissed her in the temple.

"Hunting?"

"Yup, for some Uchiha Sasuke blood"

In hearing his words, Akatsuki's princess could only pout cutely "Daddy you can't do that"

"and why not blossom?"

"because… because… uh… I uh… we…"

BANG!

A large explosion interrupted her as a dark silhouette appeared behind the shadows. It's blood red eyes with three tomoes swirling rapidly.

Quickly sensing the owner's chakra, sixteen year old Haruno Sakura quickly made her way towards the silhouette's owner as she wrapped her long arms around him as a happy squeal erupted from her.

"SASUKE-KUN!"

Her small voice pipped out as the stranger came out completely from the darkness and kissed her fully on the lips.

… and that…

Was when hell broke loose.

"**UCHIHA YOU'RE DEAD!!!"**

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_**Next Time: Daddy's Wrath**_

"_What 'wedding'?!" _

"_NO WAY IN HELL I'M HAVING MY FIRST GRANDCHILD TO BE BORN OUT OF WEDLOCK!!!"_

"_DIE UCHIHA!!!"_

"_daddy I want ice cream"_


	3. Orochimaru is NOT a PEDOPHILE!, i think

**Author's Note:**

I'm in the verge of a block on every freakin story… gomen ne, if this is a bad icky chapter… gomen… I redid this for at least three times and this still came out sucky… (sigh)

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**Akatsuki Blossom**

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"_**The hell do you mean you're taking my Princess to that pedophile's place?!"**_

Sakura winced slightly at the harshness of his voice and clutched the younger Uchiha's hand under the table. He, in turn, tightly grasped her fragile hand.

"but daddy!!"

"no buts!"

"hmph!" Sakura pouted as she crossed her arms in her chest.

"now princess, don't give me that look"

"b-b-but you're not being fair!" Sakura sulked as she gave him puppy dog eyes through eye contact and a few crocodile tears escaped her emerald orbs.

Leader-sama gave a sigh and rubbed his sore temples. Damnit. He really couldn't stand seeing tears from his princess's face, nope, no, hell no, he can't. "Fine. What does your mother have to say about this?"

At the instant, Sakura's face erupted into a happy grin as she stuck her right index finger in her mouth in a cute manner "ano sa, ano sa, kaa-chan handled it… well" in Sakura language, 'to handle 'well' means 'NO FUCKING WAY' or 'OHMYGOD HELL NO'

"princess…" Leader-sama started off warningly.

"okay okay! She freaked out a bit, especially since Sasuke-kun was there when we told her. Ano, she ano, cried and asked kami why she had such curse in her family and a few hell no's here and there… yeah, it continued on like that for a few minutes but she's fine now… I think" she finished with a gleaming smile on her pretty face.

"yare yare, I guess this can't be help"

"it's good to see that you've considered out proposal Haruno-san" the Uchiha smirked

"That's _Haruno-sama_ to you Uchiha! Hehe, so when's the big day?"

"Big day?" the young couple looked at him strangely

"don't kid me, you two _are_ getting married… right?" daddy-san semi-snarled the last word.

Insert GULP here. Glancing at each other, the two teens quickly shook their heads.

All was quiet.

Everything was at peace.

Birds were chirping, interrupted by the occational noise coming from the nearby waterfall…

Itachi having his afternoon nap with Tobi snapping pictures of him fanboyishly…

But then…

"_WHAT?!"_

And that was that.

Birds chirped away and squealed fearfully, flying off to safely.

… and Itachi-kun awakened and with a dazzled look, looked around as to who exactly caused the end of his peaceful slumber… ah… poor ol Tobi-chan…unfortunately (for him), he was the one that Ita-kun had first laid eyes on at the end of his beloved slumber.

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"_**THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU AREN'T GETTING MARRIED?!"**_

Daddy-san's scream echoed throughout the room as his large ninja hands reached forward and disembodied everything he can get his frustrated hands on. Sakura gasped as she saw him reach forward and throw an expensive Victorian vase to the floor.

"um daddy, you do know that that's pretty expensive right?"

Nonetheless, daddy-chan ignored them. _**"NO WAY I'M HAVING MY FIRST GRANDCHILD BE BOUGHT OUT OF WEDLOCK!" **_

"but daddy"

"no buts! You two are getting married! End of conversation!"

"no I'm not!"

"yes you are!"

"am not!"

"are too!"

"am not!"

"are too!"

… _**five minutes later…**_

"am not!"

"are too!"

"so what if you just moved in with us back in Orochimaru-san's place?"

"**ABSOLUTELY NOT!"**


	4. Wedding Of the Century note

It's been a while hasn't it

_**It's been a while hasn't it? (smile. Smile)**_

_**This fic's getting quite a bit to crack, especially since we've discovered more on Pain and Madara (sigh) but then a gain, this is a FANfiction so… yeah ^^ it's been a while… gomenasai**_

_**Naruto no mine. Copyright Masashi Kishimoto 1997- shonen jump.**_

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**Akatsuki Blossom**

"_**coz everyone needs a senile daddy"**_

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"**GET AWAY FROM MY HOUSE YOU DEMON!!"**

Daddy-chan's eyes budged out in anger as he began shaking religious beads in front of a very very agrivated Shinto priest who, currently, is in the middle of putting to wed his beloved precious daughter and Uchiha brat.

"**YOU SHALL NOT HARM MY SAKURA-CHAN!!!"**

"daddy!!"

"**Sakura-chan, baby, can't you see that that man's deranged!!! LOOK AT HIS CLOTHING!!! Does THAT look like a MONK to you!!!???"**

All heads turned towards the five month pregnant, pink haired beauty, clad in beautiful light pink kimono with her stomach showing a prideful baby and currently had tears welling up deep in her emerald orbs "I HATE YOU!! And on my wedding day as well! HOW COULD YOU!!!" she cried dramatically, crocodile tears flowing down her puffy cheeks

'here we go again' inner Sasuke sighed as he watched a very angry form of Haruno Sakura shove past everyone and into the bloody depths of darkness of which consisted of her home, allowing all present heads to be darting pass, following her silhouette

…_3…_

…_2…_

…_1…_

"nah, this just isn't my style" the princess sighed "Kakuzu-niichan!!" she called forward the older man who was known to have fought with the shodai hokage himself.

"yeah, yeah, I'm on it"

It took a while, a nd a small struggle before they could finally hhave this deranged old man to sit into a chair (ahem, more like kakuzu using his freaky freaky strings to like, bind and tie him up to a chair witch his mouth sewn, courtesy of almighty Kakuzu-sama, ahem)

"Can we keep like, keep this thing going, yeah? It's been like the fourth try already yeah"

"I must I agree with the boom-head over there"

"whatcha say, yeah, red eyed freak?!"

"ahem"

"everything's alright with Itachi-sama here" (_insert: Toby trying to feel a certain budge on a certain Sharingan user's crotch (cough-Itachi-cough)_

"ahem"

"How dare you!?- TOBI GET YOUR HANDS FROM MY CROTCH-! How dare you degrade the sharingan you-you blonde excuse of an artist!"

"ahem"

"OI!? WANNA GO AT IT,YEAH?!"

"ahem"

"sure, anything you want handsome" _(Insert Itachi's seductive voice)_

_(twitch) (twich) (Tobi's sobs) (twich) (twitch)_

"AHEM!"

"WHAT?!" Itachi glared as the two (ItaDei) broke free from their heated kiss (insert: Tobi crying pathetically at Itachi's feet)

"If you don't mind, brother, we do want to get married anytime soon" the younger Uchiha glared at his so-called 'nii-san' as he wrapped an arm protectively at the now-recovered mood-swinging pink bride of his.

_And so it begins…_

… _about an hour later…_

"YAY!!!" cheers were heard as the two finally broke away from their heated kiss, both looking flushed and flustered.

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**Daddy's POV:**

"**no… no… my Sakura-chan… my Sakura-chan… no… no… NOOOOO!!!" his eyes rolled to the back of his skull in pure dismay as his heart screamed bloody murder "NNOOO!!!!! MMMYYYY PPPRRRIIINNNCCCEEESSSSS!!!!"**

**-**

_**THUD.**_

"daddy?"

_Poke. Poke. Poke. _

"kaa-chan" the newly-wed blushing bride pouted before her beloved momma "he's out cold"

_Poke. Poke._ "my sweet, leave him be" _poke. Poke._

"okay_" poke. Poke._

Sasuke, however, was not that appease, and did not poke for that matter. Instead, he stood over the failed man's body, a triumph smirk present between his lips before…

"**BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! IN YO FACE YOU OLD MAN MWAHAAHHAAHHAA!!!"**

Taking his while composing himself, Uchiha Sasuke looked around the empire whose people had an O.O expression getting back his composure, he glared a hole through everyone's heads

"hn"

O.O

O.O

O.O

"Sassy-kun!!!"

All attention was turned towards the female that was latched onto Sasuke's arm. Battering her eyes cutely and rather childishly she stated "Sasu-kun, let's skip the after party and go on to the wedding night, ne?" she even added an extra pout to sum it all!

Just before the great host of amazing Uchiha sperm forcefully kissed the young maiden's lips, a throaty cry was heard.

"**ABSOLUTELY NOT!" **wow. Daddy Haruno's eyes were even shining that ye ole mighty look **"Uchiha GET YOUR HORNDOG OF A HAND OUT OF MY DAUGHTER!!!!!" **he cried reaching out, only to be restrained by Kakuzu's ropes**.**

"**YOU!!!"**

"**me?" **asked a confused Kakuzu

"**HOW DARE YOU!!! ..!!! I OWWN YOU, YOU LITTLE SHIT!!! I AM YOUR LEADER!!! YOU MUST FOLLOW ME!!! HOW DARE YOU- PUT ME DOWN!!! PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT!!! KAKUZU I COMMAND YOU!!! RELEASE ME OR I'LL KICK YOUR SORRY ASS OUT OF THE ORGANIZATION!!!UNHAND ME YOU FEIND!!!" **he screamed around like a lunatic, icky veins popping out at the sid of his aging throat.

Sasuke then smirked at this, and making sure that daddy Haruno has a good peripheral view on him and his love, he then bought her lips down forcefully on his blossom's as he began ravishing her mouth… right in front of an overprotective dady having a temper tantrum.

"**PUT ME DOWN!!! Uchiha GET YOUR HANDS, LIPS, AND TOUNGE AWAY FROM MY BABY!!! NOOO!!!! YOU!!!" **he cried fake crocodile tears onto the others, eyes darting towards everyone present in the room** "WHAT ARE YOU DOING STANDING THERE!? HELP ME IF SO I WILL KICK ALL YOUR ASSSES-OI!!! STOP GROPING MY SAKURA-CHAN OI!!!!!" **at this he began thrashing around violently from side to side** "TRAITIORS!!! YOU TRAITORS!!! HOW COULD YOU!!! I RAISED YOU IDIOTS FROM SCRAPS!!! HOW COULD YOU, YOU TRAITORS!!!!!??? UNHANDME IF SO GOD FORBID I WILL SPREAD HELL TO ALL!!! UNHAND MMMMEEEEEE!!!!"**

Even as the doors slammed shut as Kakuzu, mommy Haruno and the Akatsuki members dragged the screaming fellow to his doom (room. Bedroom), one could still hear the desperate please of the aging man.

"**CAN'T YOU SEE HE'S USING HER!?? HE'S GOING TO RAPE HER!!! RAPE HER I TELL YOU!!!! Oh my Sakura-chan… my sweet sweet Sakura-chan… oh my Sakura-chan… ITACHI HOW THE HELL COULD YOU STAND THERE WHEN YOUR BROTHER'S RAPING MY SAKURA-CHAN!!!! HOW COULD YOU!?? HAVE YOU NO HEART!!??"**

And really, if you listen carefully, one could hear Itachi berating with a shrug as he answered the pleading and moreover annoying questions of the old man.

"it's clan restoring"

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…**Back inside the room…**

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-Sasuke-kun?-

_Poke. Poke. Poke._

"Sasuke-kun?"

_Poke. Poke. Poke._

-i love you-

_Poke. Poke. Poke. _

"…"

_Poke. Poke. Poke._

_-i love you-  
_

_Poke. Poke. Poke.  
_

"Sasuke-kun?"

_Poke. Poke. Poke._

_-i love you-_

_Poke. Poke. Poke.  
_

"hn"

_Poke. Poke. Poke._

_-i love you-  
_

_Poke. Poke. Poke.  
_

"Sasuke-kun?"

_Smack. Slap. Smack. _

"what?!"

_Smile. Smile._

-so much...-

"nothing" shrugging her shoulders, she turned to him, her eyes were looking as though she wwas debating whether or not to tell him something.

"Sakura, what is it?" he asked in a gentler tone as he wrapped an arm securely on her shoulders.

"I think daddy's gone senile"

_Sweatdrop._

_Anime sweatdrop._

_Major anime sweatdrop._

"uh… sure?"

_Smile. Smile._

-oh Sasuke-kun...-

_Smile. Smile._

"Mrs. Sakura Uchiha does sound nice, ne?"

-do you know...-

_Smirk._

-how much i love you...?-

_Hit. Bam. Boom._

"aa"

-too bad...-

_Slap. Pout. Huff._

_-you're a-_

"cocky bastard"

"hn"

-but all the same...-

_Sigh. Smile. Smile._

"Sasuke-kun?"

_Raise Eyebrow. Huff. Smirk_

-you're my...-

"aa?"

"i luuuuurrrrrrvvvve yyyyyoooouuuu!!!"

-Sasuke-kun...-

"hn. I know"

_Hit. Bam._

"cocky bastard"

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_**EyeCatch: As the two teens showed each other their love, inside the hell where they were wed, one could hear about the voice of an old senile man with the ghoul's shout of a : "MMMMYYYYY BBBAAAABBBBYYYYY NNNNOOOOO!!!!!!"**_

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**Next time:**

"**mou, Sasuke-kun, what about baby names?"**

"**I SHALL HAVE MY GRANDSON NAMED AFTER ME, THE GOD OF YOUTH!!!"**

"**I say we name it Itachi Jr!!"**

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**A/N:** man, I'm starting to suck at writing comedy… (sweatdrop) I like poking people all of the sudden lol XD thanks for reading my corny corny but hopefully entertaining fanfic… don't forget to review! Comments, flames are accepted!

_Daddy Haruno: Feh, traitorous brats! (grumbles) (grumbles)_

_Sakura: ne baby-chan, jii-chan's starting to get senile isn't he (rub tummy) (rub)_

_Sasuke: hn_

_Sakura: *glomp Sasuke*_

_Daddy Haruno: NOOOO!!!!!_

**you bastards!!! (joke lol XD) dude... seriously, review!!! i mean, really!!!! 10 reviews?? that's an insult! ... wait, i know that i kinda sound like a byotch right now, not being able to be in content with the ten reviews i have right now, but really... man... take a look at my stats:**

chap1 - 4119 hits, 34 reviews

chap2- 2394 hits, 28 reviews

chap3- 1325 hits, 13 reviews

chap4- 869 hits, 10 reviews

**(sobs) seriously... im hurt :(( **


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